I spent all day Sunday after that disastrous ride pondering my future with horses – at that point I was ready to sell Dolly and never ride again. After talking the situation over with the barn owner and Endurance Lady, they told me to give it a few days before I made any big decisions.
It wasn’t until a couple of days later that I found the problem. It is probably evident to you guys as you read the last two posts, but it took me a while to figure things out. I had to start from the beginning of my time with Dolly to get to the solution. My thought process was that if she and I had had these problems when she was on trial, I would never have bought her in the first place. I then tried to figure out what had changed since the summer.
It hit me like a ton of bricks.
The only significant change was in early October when I started working with that trainer! When he told me I needed to be more confident and dominant, I took him quite literally. I was using aggressive body language and aggressive thoughts to push her away, while at the same time expecting her to be close and trust me. I was bullying her!
Dolly is a sensitive mare and this type of behaviour on my part just doesn’t work with her. She needs a calm, assertive leader (thanks Cesar Milan), not a bully. So, once I realized all of that, I ran the theory by my horse friends and they all thought it was the problem as well. Phew!
I have to thank RuckusButt for the chat we had last week – we talked about our respective horse issues and she helped me confirm some things that I’ve been pondering… and that is that when people are riding and get nervous/scared/angry/anxious/ etc. etc., the physiological response stays with your body a lot longer than we think, allowing the horses to pick up on that long after the event is over.
She has a great line on her most recent post that I’m going to quote, as it really sums up what happened to me: “I just began doubting myself but there was no reason to change my approach; all I had to do was incorporate my new realization into the mix. Instead, I felt like I needed other ideas but those led me astray for a couple weeks, I think.” This struck such a chord with me – I doubted myself and let another training method led me astray. Now I don’t think this trainer is the problem, it was my interpretation of his ideas and methods that was causing the problem. Instead of working on myself, I became someone else and that didn’t end up well!
I went out to this barn this past Friday because Dolly had a chiro appointment. I wasn’t sure if she would even look at me, but she met me at the gate with a tentative “I think something bad happened a few days ago – are you still mad at me? look”. (yes, I am anthropomorphizing here…) I had to chuckle at her expression and we went to the barn for the chiro session and just hung out for a while. I think she can sense that I don’t have the same angry vibes oozing from every pore, so is willing to try again as well.
I feel like I led myself astray for the past 2 months. I just hope I can undo the damage I’ve caused with Dolly... Although the situation isn’t great, I feel like I’ve grown and progressed in my horse knowledge in some way. Whether I can get over my nerves enough to ride a more sensitive horse or not remains to be seen, but I at least feel that I know how to try – if that makes any sense!
So, the plan for now is to take a step back and re-evaluate. I need to just be myself and hope that my confidence grows enough that Dolly and I can build some trust. I’m going to work on just having her stand quietly to be tacked up and also do some hand walking around the farm. I may ride or not, I’m just going to tackle that when I feel ready. I’m going to try riding a few of the barn owners horses as well (as the weather permits) to see if that will help my confidence or not. If I’m still having a hard time riding Dolly in the spring, I may still put her up for sale. I may need to work harder to find a horse that has some get up and go, but that isn’t super sensitive to an anxious rider.
9 comments:
I still vote for when you go down that lane keep her really busy with turns like this maybe something like this but at the walk: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EgbLfObYbzs
that is what being a leader means to me. Come up with things for her to do so she does not come up with them on her own :) When she is calm let her walk on a loose rein when she seems like she wants to turn just turn her first :) just an idea. I am glad you have come to a conclusion though. It always feels better once you figure out the problem!
Golden - that is a good idea. I will try incorporating that concept next time I ride!
I think it’s normal to sometimes go too far in a particular direction before finding the balance that’s just right.
I also think you will not only undo the “damage” you think you’ve caused but come out better and better. Horses seem pretty willing to move on (barring any major trauma), so I bet she won’t hold a grudge. It’s another Cesar-ism – they live in the moment.
Willy seems to be supporting this idea as I can feel our connection is better overall since I went back to handling him firmly but with sensitivity. His nudging is almost completely gone and he’s gone back to being relaxed while I get him ready. He also saw me walking to the gate and met me there for the first time ever. It was the middle of the day, so I don’t think he thought it was feeding time either. THAT was pretty cool.
Interesting journey you're on with Dolly, Laura. Sounds like you're open-minded about building a good relationship with her.
If there's one thing I've learned about working with horses is that when you think an issue is one thing, it's oftentimes another,
With horses we never stop learning.
~Lisa
I think you need to give it time. I had my head messed with by stock horse people when I had an arab. Then again, I was boarding and a pre-dominately stock horse farm. It did real damage to my confidence and I questioned everything I ever knew.
Go back to what you know you know. Trust in yourself, then start again. Your confidence will come back.
I had a lot of the same issues with both Brandy and Fritzy, but my confidence was shattered after Fritzy dumped me. I had a lot to work out with Brandy, due to her anxiety and insecure issues, which was totally different then Fritzy's issues. It took a long time for me to get over my issue with Fritzy, which I have to be honest, I am still not totally over.
Brandy reminds me a lot of Dolly. Very sensitive and sounds like they have a lot in common....
I have faith in you, that you will get through this. It can be a long journey but one I know you will work out.
You and Dolly need time to forge a bond and riding relationship. I'm sure you don't remember but when I started riding Dusty again we took quite a long time just walking and steering. I think it was almost 9 months or maybe more. She's a very sensitive mare too and with these types of horses it takes a very long time to build trust. Dolly seems like a nice horse and I'm sure with lots of interaction and very slow steps you and she will be a team.
I'm glad to hear you are giving both you and Dolly another chance. And, yes, thank goodness they are forgiving critters.
Laura, I think you have just had a very big 'ah-hah' moment. What you just went through is actually a very natural progression. I second everything Ruckusbutt said.
I could write a whole post on my opinion of trust vs. training, but I can guarantee you that you didn't do anything to Dolly that is even remotely damaging. Horses are amazingly forgiving and very quick to forget 'the bad stuff'. People who are the ones who forget to let go...So let go of all the worry and bad memories kiddo and focus on starting fresh with the info you have in your arsenal now.
Post a Comment